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  1.  
    Shit My Russian Co-Worker Says (Driving, Part II):

    Him: I'm trying to get driver's license. RMV wants my driving record, and what class of license I have in Russia. I have open class. Says I can operate anything. My father works for government, so they just give me open class. Can drive anything. I could drive helicopter if wanted.

    Me: You can fly a helicopter?!?

    Him: Hell No. I can hardly even drive car. But I have license to fly helicopter in Russia.All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  2.  
    if he gets his MA license, buy him a dashcam pleasesomebody turn the lights off on this place already.
    • CommentAuthorJimi
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2014
     
    ^secondedHi, my name is Jimi and I'm a bike addict
  3.  
    Shit My Russian Co-Worker Says (Driving, Part III):

    Him: If visit home in winter must drive like 8 hours after get off plane. If visit in summer, must drive about 24 hours.

    Me: That makes no sense.

    Him: Make perfect sense. If summer must go long way. In winter can just drive straight up frozen river. It better than roads.All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  4.  
    Shit My Russian Co-Worker Says (Best Of):

    About 2-3 years ago some friends went to Backbar in Union Sq. The following day I asked them how it was. One of them described this insane cocktail. Whiskey, whipped egg whites, Amaretto, orange bitters, and then the really dramatic part; the bar tender took a stick of cinnamon, and light it on fire. He let it burn for a bit, and then blew it out. Next, he held an upside-down pint glass over the cinnamon stick, and captured the rising smoke inside it. He then used this pint glass, as shaker with the rest of the drink’s ingredients, to infuse the smoked cinnamon flavor into the drink. Sounds pretty good. Apparently he had won some national(??) Amaretto-sponsored contest a few weeks beforehand with this drink.

    A few days later I am at work. I am harassing the Russian co-worker about not being a “real” bartender, and I tell him about the drink mentioned above. When I am done with this story, he responds, “This is nothing. We do this in Russia with Parliament cigarette, styrofoam cup, and vodka.”All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  5.  
    Amazing. Since things have been quiet at the convent you should turn this into a new blog.DFL and DTF :D:D:D:D
    •  
      CommentAuthorseanile mick
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2014 edited
     
    if a group ride rode down commonwealth during a school daysomebody turn the lights off on this place already.
  6.  
    friend posted this on fb. it's a bell pepper ad window painting from a trader joe's in boston.
    if you look closely though, the kid's actually wearing Hulk Hands.
    somebody turn the lights off on this place already.
  7.  
    Shit My Russian Co-Worker Says:

    Patron: Oh, you smell good. What is that scent you are wearing.

    Him: Alcohol.All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
    • CommentAuthorJimi
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2014
     
    Chris I'm jealous, I work with 2 ruskis and neither one of them says anything remotely funny.Hi, my name is Jimi and I'm a bike addict
  8.  
    I have two. One is meh. The other one, however...All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  9.  
    Towlie:Chris I'm jealous, I work with 2 ruskis and neither one of them says anything remotely funny.
    i mean that looks like a 10 cat bag, easy
  10.  
    The Google Voice speech-to-text has gotten a lot better in the 5-ish years I've had it, but sometimes it still fucks up spectacularly. Today's gem:

    Hi Evan, This is J. Clinton inspector breakable Women's Hospital with. Let's see, David and faxing group and we have gotten approval for people like you that have been in the previous drive back sex scene...DFL and DTF :D:D:D:D
  11.  
    Shit My Russian Co-Worker Says: One time we go land skiing (he meant cross-country) in high school. I have bottle of vodka in backpack. After while we stop. Vodka had frozen. We try to figure out to get drunk. We decide to break bottle. After we eat chips of frozen vodka.

    Other Co-Worker: Did it work? Did you get drunk off it?

    Russian Co-Work. Duh. Is vodka.All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  12.  
    Friend who is a professional photographer just posted this on FB...

    "So, there's this guy on the Blue Line (subway). He has these tubes going up his nose in both nostrils, and the tubes are stuck to his face with Priority Mail packing tape. I keep looking at him because the Priority Mail packing tape is like all over his face. He's looking at me looking at him, and I try to take a picture, but then he goes, "Hey, are trying to take my picture?", and I'm like, "No. Why would I want to take your picture?" And he goes, "Because I have Priority Mail Packing tape all over my face with tubes coming out of my nose!" And I'm like, "Ohhh, yeahhhh."All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  13.  
    ^LOL, Well told
  14.  
    hahaha

    I don't envy xc skiing when it's cold enough to freeze vodka, then trying to tell the difference between vodka chips and broken glass.DFL and DTF :D:D:D:D
  15.  
    And for tonight at work...guy dressed up as a piece of apple pie, jerking off in the bathroom. Claimed security were "Vikings."

    My. Job. Is. Insane.All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
    • CommentAuthorben
    • CommentTimeNov 24th 2014
     
    Hahahaha i need you to turn your job into a reality show. Especially with the russian.I have DTF pants. They're crotchless. -surprisefries
    •  
      CommentAuthorjoeyfresh
    • CommentTimeNov 24th 2014 edited
     
    apple pie...





    a la choadWe'll get you a cat, don't worry -t-honks
    •  
      CommentAuthor6kidz
    • CommentTimeNov 25th 2014
     
    Last night the gf and I heard the little gate in front of our apartment rattle, then two sets of very loud wailing sounds. We were terrified, thought maybe two homeless people were sitting on our front stoop and were in pain, or our elderly landlord fell down the steps. We don't have a peep hole, so I eventually muster the courage to open the door instead of calling 911, only to find it's not two people in pain, it's two cats gettin' it on."Dude's just smashing fructosenormativity, lay off."
  16.  
    Ha! We get that outside our living room sometimes, never quite sure if they're fucking or fighting. Which reminds me of a joke.DFL and DTF :D:D:D:D
    • CommentAuthorJimi
    • CommentTimeNov 25th 2014
     
    ^go on..Hi, my name is Jimi and I'm a bike addict
  17.  
    A businessman gets tired of the city life and moves out to the country, where his closest neighbor is so far away he can barely see his house. He settles in, really happy with his new home, and after about a week he's sitting on his porch and sees a truck driving up the road. Truck pulls up and a big farmer in overalls gets out, walks up to his porch and extends his hand, saying, "Hey man, I'm your neighbor Bud, just wanted to come by an introduce myself. Thought I might invite you to the party I'm havin'. This Friday night, ya gotta come man, it's gonna be a real humdinger. There's gonna be drinkin', singin', dancin', fightin', and fuckin'!

    "Sounds great!" the guy says, "What should I wear?"

    "Oh it don't matter, just gonna be you and me."DFL and DTF :D:D:D:D
    • CommentAuthorJimi
    • CommentTimeNov 25th 2014
     
    first and only time I'll use text shorthand.. lmfaoHi, my name is Jimi and I'm a bike addict
  18.  
    You said time was infinite, so why the watch wrapped around your wrist?
    •  
      CommentAuthordora
    • CommentTimeDec 1st 2014
     
    i just read the last two pages of this thread. A+ WOULD LOL AGAIN :D

    chr|s sedition:And for tonight at work...guy dressed up as a piece of apple pie, jerking off in the bathroom. Claimed security were "Vikings."

    My. Job. Is. Insane.
    joeyfresh:apple pie...





    a la choad

    6kidz:Last night the gf and I heard the little gate in front of our apartment rattle, then two sets of very loud wailing sounds. We were terrified, thought maybe two homeless people were sitting on our front stoop and were in pain, or our elderly landlord fell down the steps. We don't have a peep hole, so I eventually muster the courage to open the door instead of calling 911, only to find it's not two people in pain, it's two cats gettin' it on.

    ben the idea of you being terrified and hiding behind the door to find out its cats boning is FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Must be awful, being so fluffy.
  19.  
    Shit My Russian Co-Worker Says: When I was 12, I go outside. Was cold. I forget scarf, and couldn't cover nose up. When get to school, nose tip is all white. When that happens must rub palm of hand, in fast circles, on nose tip, to make warm again. I did this. But, skin later turn black. Few days after, nose fall off.

    Me: WHAT!?! Your whole nose fell off?!?

    Him: No. Just tip.All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  20.  
    If I remember Boy Scouts right, that's a terrible way to warm up a frostbitten nose.DFL and DTF :D:D:D:D
    •  
      CommentAuthorjoeyfresh
    • CommentTimeDec 3rd 2014
     
    I think now he's just fucking with you.We'll get you a cat, don't worry -t-honks
  21.  
    Dead serious. He has a horrid poker face. I thought he was joking about having 4 passports. Until I saw them.All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  22.  
    Shit My Russian Co-Worker Says:
    Me: So, which passport are you bringing (back to Russia on trip last summer)?
    Him: All five.

    Next day: Ok. I lied. Only four. Here is picture.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicAll you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
    •  
      CommentAuthorseanile mick
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2014 edited
     
    this is...you all should watch this. especially joe for the last 45 seconds.

    somebody turn the lights off on this place already.
    •  
      CommentAuthorjoeyfresh
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2014
     
    That was so amazing I had to pause it and get another beer. That is fucking art. TO ART.We'll get you a cat, don't worry -t-honks
  23.  
    chr|s sedition:Shit My Russian Co-Worker Says:
    Me: So, which passport are you bringing (back to Russia on trip last summer)?
    Him: All five.

    Next day: Ok. I lied. Only four. Here is picture.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    hahahahahah holy shitNaaaah, too uncool for the #messlyfe. I just like to hang out in loading docks and pretend to talk on my radio so that people will like me. - Mfratt
  24.  
    ^ Me: Is this for real?! How...why...why do you need FOUR passports?!? Are they even all in your name?!?

    Him: Is real. Two in my name. 1 to get in country. 1 one to travel around country. Other to open russian credit card. That not in my name. Last one, eh, just in case others not work."

    Me: I...I'm...not going to ask.All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  25.  
    Shit My Russian Co-Worker Says is moving to blog format. Will take me awhile get all the archives up on it.

    http://smrcws.blogspot.comAll you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  26.  
    You should really go to tumblr mansomebody turn the lights off on this place already.
  27.  
    ^tumblr for the win, no one uses blogspot anymore.'Cause i always say i love you when i mean turn out the lights.
  28.  
    Yeah you could probably be famous on tumblr at this rate.
    •  
      CommentAuthorjoeyfresh
    • CommentTimeDec 8th 2014
     
    You're still going to post here, right?We'll get you a cat, don't worry -t-honks
  29.  
    I'm using Blogger. Don't like it, don't read it. I don't seek fame. As to here,I'll post updates that blog has been updated, but that it.All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  30.  
    Still vote tumblr so i can follow itsomebody turn the lights off on this place already.
    •  
      CommentAuthorjoeyfresh
    • CommentTimeDec 8th 2014
     
    chr|s sedition:I'm using Blogger. Don't like it, don't read it. I don't seek fame. As to here,I'll post updates that blog has been updated, but that it.
    No need to be defensive. The opposite of "putting it on sites where your friends are more likely to read it" isn't "seeking fame."

    Here, I got you a prescription.

    We'll get you a cat, don't worry -t-honks
  31.  
    Defense is for actual, or perceived, attacks. I never defend anything I do; on the contrary, generally, I am nothing but offensive. :)All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
  32.  
    seanile mick:Still vote tumblr so i can follow it

    Internet For Grandma, Lesson 101:

    1. Navigate to web site.
    2. Click "bookmark this page."
    3. Visit as desired.All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
    •  
      CommentAuthorseanile mick
    • CommentTimeDec 8th 2014 edited
     
    too much work. grandma's arthritis acts up after typing "blogsp-"somebody turn the lights off on this place already.
  33.  
    HAH! Whiskey helps.All you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.
    •  
      CommentAuthorjoeyfresh
    • CommentTimeDec 8th 2014
     
    Helps you fuck grandma maybe.We'll get you a cat, don't worry -t-honks
  34.  
    ^
    Image and video hosting by TinyPicAll you white kids look alike when you're still covered in baby fat, so I was getting bored with the non-stop WASP parade.